Friday, September 6, 2013

All things must pass.....

August has come and gone and summer is officially on her way out....The days are shorter and here in Belgium it is inevitable that the temperatures shall drop and rain will return. Seasons and cycles are prevalent here and it fairly predictable.

However this August was pivotal for me and brought much relief in many ways. It was a month of reflection, a month of independence, and a month of moving forward. Seeing more clearly and letting go of some unrealistic people and ideas. I indulged myself the entire month to do what I love! France was exactly what I needed and enjoyed each day as if it were my last. I rode my bike up mountains, enjoyed the beauty of Provence,  the warm sunshine and wonderful foods of the region. I spent most of this time alone but being alone in a beautiful place is so much easier than alone in one that brings no joy. I was content.

Dealing with loss is something that never becomes easy however,  the more you lose, the less the expectations are and the realization that nothing is permanent.. Therefore, being in the moment is truly the only thing we really can do.. So why not take each moment for what it is and find a positive to focus on?
During this August recharging period,  I found out my only brother is dying and my only sister had to be hospitalized.. and here I was climbing big mountains on my bike. Yet, that gave me more reason to do what I love!!  Life is so unpredictable and I am thankful everyday for my health, for my strong will, and the ability to persevere with a smile.

But today brought a different pleasant surprise. 
The reason I write these blogs is to share my experiences as well as it allows me to sort my crazy brain out. However, I have  a secret desire that someone may find inspiration and can benefit from the thoughts I write and today this became real.

While checking my email I received a message from a long ago former colleague and friend that I hadn't heard from in years..
 For some reason he was thinking of me and decided to google me.. Well, I am absolutely the most un-private person in this universe and everything from old race results, training advice to my blog shows up. Thus he begins reading this array of scribblings.

He had recently experienced sudden loss and upon stumbling on my writings found comfort and perhaps even solidarity in knowing that he is not alone in his feelings, and that life can go on.. That IS exactly my point, life DOES go on!

Of course the grieving period is a necessary evil that we have to look in the face but the blackness and emptiness dissipates with time if you allow it. This doesn't mean you will stop having  moments of intense sorrow but that they get less and less. Life as you now know it now different however it goes on.

Now don't get me wrong,  there were many times I contemplated death as it seemed like an easy way out of this painful world. But somehow  I kept my head out of that water..Diverted my pain by writing these blog posts, listening to others, riding my bike and believing it can be good again.

And no matter what.... I believe it. Life can and IS good again. It's all how you view it and want it to be!!!  xxx

1 comment:

  1. It's kind of crazy to think how quickly and easily that bond comes when you share widowhood with someone else, even if you barely know them. It's as though the curtain is pulled back, exposing behind the scenes and allows you to really figure out what is important in life. Happiness, living life to the fullest, enjoying a hard, mountainous ride - all things that were there all along but are now seen in a new light. A light that takes nothing for granted and gives gratitude for the moment. Thank you for being brave and sharing your story. It has an impact greater than you know. Keep writing, fellow widow. Keep writing.